Lawak Oh Lawak

Seorang posmen yang datang menghantar surat. " Assalamualaikum " " Walaikumsalam " " Ni rumah encik encik Sameon ye? " Ya saya" " Poning kepala saya mencari alamat rumah encik ni " " Buat susah aje encik nie! Apsal tak pos aje ------------ A postman came in to send a letter. "Assalamualaikum" "Walaikumsalam " "Is this the home of Sameon? " Yes its me" "My headaches look for my home address" "Do not worry about it, why not post it"

3 org menaiki motor dan ditahan polis trafik. Namun pemandu motor tersebut tidak berhenti. Katanya, 'Tak Muat Dah Tok, Kami dah bertiga !!! ------------------------------------------------------------- 3 people boarded motorcycles and were arrested by traffic police. But the motorcyclist did not stop. He said, ''No Load Tok, We've been three !!!

Suami : Kenapa Sayang menangis? Isteri : Saya telah baca sebuah buku. Sad endinglah bang.. Suami :: Buku apa? Isteri : Buku bank abanglah.. ----------------------- Husband: Why are you crying? Wife: I have read a book. Sad ending .. Husband: What book? Wife: Your bank account book  ..

Who says our English is teruk? Just read below - Ours is simple, short, concise, straight-to-the-point, effective etc. WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS Britons: I'm sorry, sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you. Malaysians: No stock. RETURNING A CALL Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone call for me a few moments ago? Malaysians: Hello, who call? ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY Britons: Excuse me, I would like to get by. Would you please make way? Malaysians: S-kew me. WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY Britons: Hey! Put your wallet away, this drink is on me.. Malaysians: No need lah. WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door? Malaysians: (pointing at the door) Can ah? WHEN ENTERTAINING Britons: Please make yourself right at home. Malaysians: No need shy shy one lah! WHE...

Pada suatu hari Pak Pandir mengadu pada doktor: “Doktor, dulu doktor kata kalau pakai itu kondom, Mak Andeh saya tak boleh beranak, tapi selepas saya pakai, dia beranak juga, sudah berduyun-duyun anak saya.” Tanya doktor: “Pakcik pakai kondom itu betulkah caranya?” Jawab Pak Pandir: “Saya pakai betul pada tempatnya, cumanya saya ini orang Islam, bila saya tengok kondom itu tidak bersunat,saya pun sunatkanlah (khatankan)…” --------------- One day Mr. Pandir complained to the doctor: "Doctor, the doctor used to say if it was a condom, Mak Andeh I can not give birth, but after I used it, she gave birth, too many children." Ask doctor: "Are you using the condom right?" Answer Mr. Pandas: "I'm right in the place, I'm a Muslim, when I see the condom is uncircumcised, I am circumcised (circumcised) ..."

Saya berada di sebuah restoran semalam. Tiba-tiba saya rasa macam nak terkentut. Muzik yang dipsang di restoran itu kuat, jadi saya melepaskan kentut saya mengikut alunan irama muzik itu. Selepas beberapa minit saya berasa lega. Saya menghabiskan minuman saya, semasa bangun dari tempat duduk saya lihat orang sekeliling memandang saya dengan muka yang masam... Baru saya sedar rupa-rupanya saya dengar muzik dari ipod saya… :-( ------------ I was in an overnight restaurant. Suddenly I felt like I was frowning. The music played in the restaurant was loud, so I let go of my fart in the rhythm of the music. After a few minutes I was relieved. I spent my drink, when I got up from the seat I saw people around looking at me with a sour face ... Recently I realized that I heard music from my ipod ... :-(

Oleh kerana terlalu gembira, Ah Beng tertinggal kunci kereta dalam keretanya. Menyedari kesilapannya Ah Beng berkata, "Apa kata kita gunakan penyangkut baju untuk buka pintu kereta?" "Tak boleh," jawab Ah Seng. "Nanti orang fikir kita terlalu bodoh... sampai gunakan penyangkut baju." Kemudian Ah Beng pula berkata, "Ah.. aku dapat idea, apa kata kalau kita gunakan pisau, kita potong getah pintu kereta ini kemudian kita masukkan jari untuk tarik kunci tingkap." "Tak boleh, nanti orang fikir kita hendak curi kereta." "Kan Cheong!" jerit Ah Beng. "Kita mesti fikir cepat, hujan dah nak turun... sunroof terbuka!!!" -------- Due to being too happy, Ah Beng left the car lock in his car. Recognizing his mistake Ah Beng said, "Why do we use clothes hangers to open the car door?" "No," replied Ah Seng. "Then people think we're too stupid ... to use clothes hangers." Then Ah ...

Seorang Tok Batin baru membeli motorsikal Honda dan kebetulan pada jalan pulang terserempak dengan kawannya yang ingin menumpang, lalu ditumpangkan kawannya itu. Dalam perjalanan kawanya merasakan Tok Batin itu hanya mengunakan gear 1 sahaja lalu bertanyalah kawanya itu, Kawan Tok Batin: Kenapak kamu hanya pakai gear 1 sahaja. Tok Batin: Kalau rosak 1 gear ada 2 lagi gear. Kawan Tok Batin:???????? -------------------------------- A Tok Batin just bought a Honda motorcycle and coincidentally on the way home came with his friend who wanted to ride, then pinned his friend. In the course of his staff feel that Tok Batin only use gear 1 and then ask his friend, Friend Tok Batin: Why do you only use gear 1? Tok Batin: If one gear is damaged, there are 2 more gear. Friends Tok Batin: ????????